FROM ENERGYPARENTING...

New research is coming down hard on generic positivity and demonstrating its limiting effects on children - and our nation too. You caught the operative adjective, right? 'Generic.' You won't see that distinction in the headlines, so don't be misled.

The bottom line is, IF you're following ENERGYPARENTING as prescribed by cofounder Howard Glasser, creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach, you're on solid ground. The new studies prove that Howie's got it right, and that he's had it right for 15 years, when it comes to properly using positivity to propel a child's greatness.

The brain-drain brand of positivity, which Glasser long ago coined 'emotional junk food,'is baseless, mindless flattery - parroted over-the-top statements that are not the truth such as, 'Great job,' for any level of effort. Kids immersed in this false positivity end up running from ordinary challenges. Experiments showed these children would rather cheat to keep up appearances and prefer to avoid new experiences than risk any level of failure.

In short, they don't believe what's being said to them, and for good reason, so they cope by hiding behind the puffery and playing it safe so the facade is never challenged.

ENERGYPARENTING recognitions are finely tuned and timed prescriptions that truthfully reflect to our children what we appreciate about them and their efforts, including their ability to handle failure and disappointment. ENERGYPARENTS are well-schooled in the art and science of finding what's right about a child's character and actions, no matter the level, and stating it with honesty, sincerity and explicit specificity.

Here are a few pointers from an article about "NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children," by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, which showcases the extremely worthwhile research of Dr. Carol Dweck. [The NPR article with book excerpts is attached because it's worthwhile reading, along with another on Barbara Ehrenreich's new book, "Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking is Undermining America."]

•Praising and recognizing effort expended vs. innate intelligence propels children to expend more effort and stretch themselves for maximum growth and achievement;
•Telling a child s/he is smart vs. commenting on his level of effort leads the child to underrate the role of effort in achievement and to an avoidance of risk-taking, such as trying new things, for fear of making a mistake and losing the 'smart' label;
•"Emphasizing effort gives children a variable that they can control," Dweck said. "They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure."
•Specific, sincere, truthful feedback is the only kind of positivity that's meaningful.

These new findings support that ENERGYPARENTING style recognitions are the only kind that truly fortify a child to make his or her best effort in life, and to be willing to endure the struggle to master new skills and reach their full potential and stand in the confidence of well-founded inner wealth.

I'm excited to see research advancing the public knowledge of positivity, and thankful the junk food formula is falling out of favor. I just hope people read beyond the headlines so nobody throws the principle out with the process.

By Susan McLeod

Welcome to “Educator, Unlimited!”

in support of... The Nurtured Heart Approach for Educators

These quotes (ref: EnergyParenting.com) indicate how those in the Champaign, Illinois Unit 4 School System have experienced the impact of The Nurtured Heart Approach:

“Howie, the excitement of being involved in Nurtured Heart by teachers is like a flash of light that touches everyone. Those with their eyes open, even a little, are immediately drawn to the warmth and illumination it provides. Thank you to you and Tom Grove for bringing the best of humanity back into our schools."

George Stanhope, Ph.D., Director of Elementary Education,

NCLB Grants, and Gifted Services, Champaign, IL

"I don't have the Nurtured Heart Approach in a category of anything else that I've ever trained in. It's not a program. It's not behavior management. It's very clear that we are changing lives and transforming the lives of our teachers, parents and students. The evidence is in their eyes, it's in their hearts and their stories."

Susan Zola, Ed.D. Jefferson Middle School Principal, Champaign, Illinois

3 Tips for Brake Mastery

Here are three EnergyParenting tips for adults who want to help youngsters grow in self mastery of their intensity:

1. Reality Check: Recognize that the intense child is having to exert greater effort than the average child on a moment-by-moment basis to control him or herself; just like the parents, teachers and caregivers of these children also must display greater skill to help these highly energetic children. Give yourself recognition and appreciation for extra effort on the child's behalf, and extend the same to the child for making extra effort in learning how to apply the brakes.

2. Photo Check: Set your mind's camera lens to ask, 'What's right with this picture?' instead of 'What's wrong with this picture.' Anybody can recognize what's going wrong; and doing so helps no one. Challenging children learn to apply the brakes when an aware adult recognizes that they are exerting effort to apply the brakes and in that very moment tells the child, "You are showing self control by eating just one of those yummy cookies." The child then has a firsthand experience of what it feels like to exercise self control, and feels the reward of the adult providing relationship during the moment of success.

3. Rule Check: Ask yourself, "What's NOT going wrong that could easily be going wrong if this child were not exercising self control right now?" When you see it, say it: "You could be whining for another cookie and imitating the cookie monster right now, but you're not. I really appreciate the effort you're making right now to be in control."

Reprint of the articles on this webpage has been made possible by:

Howard Glasser, MA, is the creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach(TM) and Susan McLeod, founder of www.EnergyParenting.com, the online learning center for the approach. Sign up for Energy Parenting News at www.energyparenting.com and learn why normal parenting, teaching and therapy techniques backfire with challenging children in our free eBook, "The Top 2 Biggest Parenting Mistakes."

Thank you, Howie and Susan!!!

The Smith Elementary Team

in Champaign, IL

Summer, 2009